Can you use the tools and concepts of Neuro Linguistic Programming to find love? The answer is: Absolutely! In-fact it is only through doing my own NLP work that I found my amazing partner after many years of false starts, failed relationships and picking the wrong people over and over.
I have also gotten 100’s of messages and emails with wedding photos from some of my past clients that were stuck and lonely before. But after doing deep NLP work, viola! They are now partnered up and happy, when before, they thought that they would be single forever.
There are many things that can keep people frustrated and lonely. When I work with my clients around love and relationship there are 7 layers and facets I pay attention to that can keep people single and miserable:
* Beliefs. Do they believe that love is possible? Do they believe they deserve it? Do they feel good enough and have a high self-esteem? What do they believe about love? What were their role models for it?
*Motivation. Why do they want to be in a relationship? Is it fear driven or desire driven? Is it to make them feel whole? Or do they already feel whole even when they are alone? Are they looking for a relationship to solve a problem in their life or validate them? Are they coming from a place of power and wanting a relationship to share their life with someone or do they think they need one in order to be happy or taken care of? Are they already whole and happy or are they looking for someone else to complete them?
*Clarity and focus. Are they clear about how they want to feel in their future relationship? Do they know what they are looking for? Do they know what red flags to watch out for?
*Family ties and wounds. Do they have lingering wounds from their family of origin that are getting in the way of real connection? Do they have unconscious bonds to their family keeping them alone?
*Objections to love. Do they have any subconscious objections to being in a relationship? Are there things that they feel they will have to lose or give up if they are in a relationship?
*Behavior. Do they know how to build connections and rapport with people? Do they know how to be vulnerable, open up and share themselves? Are they comfortable with receiving and giving? Do they know how to communicate their needs? Do they know how to communicate effectively to ease conflict with their partner? Do they give too much? Do they have appropriate boundaries? Are they able to have an interdependent healthy relationships or are they co-dependent or avoid closeness?
*Stages of relationship. Do they understand how to build deeper and closer connections with people they are interested in? Do they understand the stages of relationship and how to navigate each stage? Do they rush in and relationships burn out quickly because of it? Do they get triggered when their new partner seems to pull away?
Once someone has addressed these layers and has healed enough from any past wounding, then relationship becomes easy and fun. Meeting the right person just seems to happen. It sometimes seems as if it is magical that these healthy partners just show up out of the blue. But it is because the person is now finally ready for them!
In this next series of articles, I will be addressing each of these facets in more detail and will give you some things to do and pay attention to on your own journey towards love.
Stay tuned!